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yukitsubuteTitle: The truth in his eyes - Chapter 2: I am sorry
Pairing: Nishikido Ryo/ Uchi Hiroki
Mini series in 3 Chapters
Rating: PG-13
Genre: romance, drama
Disclaimer: I don’t own the boys, but the story is mine. :D - everything is pure fiction!
Note: English is not my native language, so I'm sorry for mistakes
Summary: Ryo visits Uchi at home, but he isn't able to tell him about leaving News. Uchi knows that something is wrong and tries to talk to the other one, but they drifted apart during the last years and he doesn't know if there is the chance to talk to Ryo.
Note 2: The whole situation is based on
![[info]](../../img/userinfo.gif?v=3){kind=small}
lilly0's one shot "sleeping in a cold river" The start of this story is one part from her one shot.Note 3: Dedicated to
lilly0 - our little "drawing lots" competition brought you RyoUchi - Real life and angst. ^^ Hope you like itIt was like a shadow, which was after Ryo when Uchi saw him walking down the corridor. Something was bothering him, something bigger than love-sickness or simple everyday life problems.
Uchi knew Ryo long enough, and he could see that there was a major problem torturing his Ryo. Uchi shook his head about his own thoughts. The time it was his Ryo was gone long time ago. They drifted apart from the first day Uchi got suspended and his decision to go on without Kanjani, News and especially Ryo was the death for their relationship.
Uchi breathed in deeply, and his heart nearly broke again when he remembered the day he told Ryo that he wanted to go on without a group, and he wanted to be a solo artist from now on.
Flashback
“Ryo-chan we have to talk about something.” Uchi walked into the apartment and saw Ryo was already sitting on the couch. They hardly found the time to talk to each other during the last weeks, because both of them were quite busy.
Ryo was often with News and Kanjani, and Uchi planned some things for Shock and his solo tour, which should start soon. Till this day he didn't tell Ryo about his plan to go on solo and he quit the thought of a return to one of the bands.
He loved all of the members, but he couldn't imagine being a part of them anymore. It was like they drifted apart, and Uchi knew that News and Kanjani grew together during the last years, and the path they chose was different from Uchi's thoughts and wishes.
He loved all of them, and he loved meeting up with them, but working together would have been a disaster. And some weeks ago Johnny gave him the chance to go on solo and he really wanted to take this chance, and it felt like this would be his path, his chance to do what he desired to do.
The only thing he had to do was to tell Ryo about it. The only person who still fought to get Uchi back to at least one of the two groups. Uchi never had the courage to tell Ryo about his decision, even though he made it weeks ago. But now it had to be, but the first thing he saw was Ryo's sparkling eyes and his bright smile, and Uchi couldn't do it.
“Yes, what do you want to talk about?” Ryo turned around to face the other one and waited till Uchi sat next to him. “Ano...I wanted to ask if you come to my solo concert?”
“Sure, you know I come anywhere where you perform. But I hope soon I don't have to anymore, because we'll be together on stage again.” Uchi swallowed the knot in his throat and looked away when Ryo's eyes met his. He couldn't tell him, it was impossible.
Two weeks later Uchi went to the dressing room after his performance. He knew he told the fans that he won't return to Kanjani and News anymore, and somehow he felt free right after it. He knew he had to tell it Ryo before he'd feel really free, but it was a first step.
Ryo would join the concert in two days, and he hoped that he'd have the courage to tell him till then. Uchi stopped walking and his heart stopped when he saw a slender figure leaning against the dressing room's door. “When did you want to tell me about your decision?” Ryo looked up at the other one and Uchi could see Ryo's redden eyes glancing at him.
“Ryo, I am sorry, I … “Uchi touched Ryo's shoulder slightly, but the other one just pushed it away and stepped backwards. “No, leave it, Hiroki. I think I got it. I always tried to fight for you and for us, but I think I got the hint today.” Ryo turned around and walked down the corridor.
Uchi bit on his lips and felt hot tears running down his cheeks. He thought Ryo would come two days later and he really didn't plan to tell the audience about his plans, but he couldn't hold it back any longer, and he was too afraid to tell Ryo about it. And now he knew it, and he got to know it in a way Uchi never wanted it. Uchi wanted to run after the other, but his legs didn't move. He just stood there and looked down the corridor while his thoughts were spinning around.
Two hours later he arrived at home and turned the key in the hole. His heart was bumping faster and he thought he'd met Ryo at home, and he hoped for another discussion about it, because he wanted to explain anything, but when he walked into the apartment everything was dark. First he thought Ryo wasn't at home because he met up with friends or went for a drink, but when Uchi turned the lights on and walked across the rooms his heart broke.
Ryo's things were gone, it was like he never lived here, and no matter how often Uchi looked around, there was nothing left from the other one. He at least thought of a short note, or something like that, but it was Ryo, and Ryo never left such things. Some days later he got the chance to talk shortly with Ryo, and the words Ryo used let Uchi's world break down again. “I thought you loved me, but the way you acted showed me that I can't be worthy and precious to you.” Uchi wanted to explain anything, he wanted to tell him how much he loved him, but it was too late.
And all the last weeks and months they drifted apart from each other made it impossible to warm up their relationship. Maybe they needed some time for each other and maybe after some weeks of going different ways their paths would cross again.
Uchi smiled sadly, their paths didn't cross till now, and even if he loved the other one to death, he couldn't tell him about, because Ryo wouldn't understand the decision he made some time ago. He blinked when he saw Ryo passing him and his sad and tired eyes showed Uchi that something was off.
Ryo was often tired and overworked, but somehow he always had the glance in his eyes that anything was alright. He lived for his work and for the whole thing he did, but something changed in his behavior, and especially in his eyes. The certain sparkle was gone and he only seemed to be tired and exhausted. It looked like Ryo hadn't slept since days and even though he was often working till late at night, he never looked like this.
Something was bothering him, Uchi was sure about it and he wished that he'd be the one who'd help Ryo overcoming the problem he had. But he knew they weren't together anymore, so he couldn't force him to tell him about anything. He could only hope that Ryo would come to him, and he could try out if he'd tell him about it.
“Ryo, what's wrong?” he tried it again when he saw Ryo standing alone in the corridor. “Nothing – I already told you.” the other one only answered before he put his hands in his pockets and passed Uchi.
“You can't tell me that there is nothing, I know you.” Uchi murmured and looked at Ryo, who couldn't hear him anymore.
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Date: 2011-11-07 03:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-11-07 03:42 pm (UTC)I love this bittersweet kind of love story you wrote us here <3 It's beautiful, sad, heart-aching, frustrating and still so sweet.
*headdesk* for Uchi who told the whole world about his decision before he told Ryo. (Okay maybe saying 'the whole world' is an exaggeration, but still...) This just couldn't go well!!
I think what Uchi doesn't realize yet is that Ryo's anger and his decision to break up with Uchi (though we'll talk about how to break up properly later, Ryo ><) isn't really coming from Uchi's decision to stay a solo artist, but from being lied to.
I understand that it was difficult for Uchi to tell Ryo and this here is really a worst case scenario, because I believe Uchi that he didn't want Ryo to hear it like that, but still... he hid it for weeks. Being honest from the beginning on would have avoided the break-up for sure. Maybe they would have fought or argued, maybe Ryo would have been disappointed and frustrated, and Uchi would have been sad, but it wouldn't have ended in a break-up.
Another *headdesk* for Uchi NOT explaining it to Ryo properly afterwards. He just let it happen. Really... he could at least try!!!!!!!! ><
And then, *headdesk* for Ryo for breaking up like that. Yes, I understand his anger and frustration. But Ryo, you can't leave Uchi that way!! At least tell him that you want to break-up. But taking all his things and leaving is actually really mean >< I really understand his feelings though, but this here is not the best way to leave Uchi.
But it's really cute and beautiful how Uchi still loves Ryo... how he can't stop thinking about him.<3
But really... Ryo is too stubborn and Uchi is a coward ^^ I think when Uchi would corner Ryo to explain everything to him, they would get closer again.
I love this series <3
It's gorgeous! Thanks for writing me this <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
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Date: 2011-11-08 04:18 pm (UTC)Yes, it couldn't go well for Uchi, but I think he didn't thought of it and just let his feelings run. ^^
I totally agree, I think Ryo is hurt because Uchi didn't tell him a single word. But yes, Ryo could have made the break a bit better....
Yes....Uchi .... >_< he really should have talked to Ryo....and yes, Ryo should have made it better ...
But there is still a hope for them, that's right. ^^
thanks sooo much for your great comment, *bighugs*
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Date: 2011-11-08 05:55 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-11-08 04:23 pm (UTC)Thanks sooo much for reading and commenting *bighugs*
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Date: 2011-11-08 08:21 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-11-08 04:13 pm (UTC)Nice chap n thank U 4 updated =) ~Cheers~
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Date: 2011-11-08 04:29 pm (UTC)Thanks soooo much for reading and commenting *bighugs*
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Date: 2011-11-08 04:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-11-08 04:50 pm (UTC)I was at the dentist yesterday and then I had to go on university, that's why I was a bit in a hurry. ^^
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Date: 2011-11-08 05:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-11-09 03:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-11-09 07:16 pm (UTC)this angst was soooooo beautifully written~~
i looove the sad atmosphere u wrote... the flashbacks that made it ever more sad than it is...
i wanted to smack uchi for not trying to talk to ryo... but when ryo said something so positive, i think i understand how uchi didnt want to disappoint ryo... just that, uchi wasnt sure what ryo need from him... bcoz ryo was fighting for uchi... if uchi didnt want it then his fight was useless... yet uchi let him be, fighting for uchi like a fool... i cant completely blame uchi too though... ryo should've gave some room for uchi to talk before assuming anything like uchi should definitely return... *sigh*
these two really need to work on their distance. they never become this way before~~
;____________________________;
the stubbron ryo n the coward uchi, i think it's sooo sad to know that they turned this way...
i hope ryo know that uchi still love him, as much as before...
i really hope they'll talk things through someday...
*sobs and starts to cry*
thank u so much for the update
please update the next one~~
^^
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Date: 2011-11-10 08:18 am (UTC)Yes, you got the point. Uchi wanted to tell him about anything, but he couldn't when he saw Ryo's chipper attitude. They are both guilty in this way, I think. They should have listened to each other, and maybe they should have talked to each other.
talk! That'S the magic word for them, I think. ^^
Thanks soooooo much for reading and commenting *bighugs* *hearts*
The last one is already up, but take all time you need. ^^
*hugshugs*
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Date: 2011-11-12 03:41 am (UTC)No one wants to tell their lover bad news, but Uchi makes the wrong move here, telling the fans first. It is like a ping pong effect with them. All throughout what happened, no one could speak up and say you are more important to me than work--let's give it a try. I love the line “I thought you loved me, but the way you acted showed me that I can't be worthy and precious to you.” It just shows the depth of Ryo's hurt and Uchi I guess felt he could not counter it. Sometimes it comes down to not just do I love someone, do I love someone enough. Relationships are so complicated though and part of me thinks that Ryo felt that he would be in Uchi's way if he could not support him wholeheartedly.
Poor Ryo looking so tired and stressed. At least Uchi tries to reach out to him here.
Off to read the next. Hugs, hearts and tea with honey.:D :D :D
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Date: 2011-11-12 12:38 pm (UTC)Yes, Uchi knows ryo, but he can't help him, that's exactly the point.
Yes, you totally got the point here. Ryo is hurt, and I think Uchi didn't realize it at first, and I think he didn't want to hurt ryo, and maybe because of that he did what he did. But it ended bad for him.
Yes, Uchi tries anything to help him.
thanks sooo much for reading and commenting
hugs, hearts and a goooood dinner